unmaledictive prestruggle – horrible fight

Last night a pin was inserted into a water balloon. Megan and I said some very hurtful things to each other. Details aside, things aren’t good here. I have a lot of pent-up anger that I’m concentrating on letting go. She blames me. I blame her. It’s stupid.

She woke up angry. I didn’t. Wake up.

I’m listening to Arvo Part’s “Summa” from Arbos. It’s a conversational chant, and a little fearsome/sorrowful.

George and Crystal got here yesterday and met me at Kramerbooks, this pricey little bookstore in the neighborhood where we had beer and scotch. This lecher behind us, this fifty year-old Indian fellow was sitting on a barstool feeling up this young girl. She seemed to be okay with it and I didn’t care, but Crystal was revolted. She wanted to punch him in the face. I told her that at any given time you could run a two-handed count of old man-young woman couples on these streets. The soul of this place lies in decision-making, policy structuring, and plain work, which is not romantic in the least. The women here must be interested in something else, like power or money, or smooth talkers. To each her own.

Anyway, we finished drinking at the bookstore and strolled down to a record shop, The Red Onion, in Adam’s Morgan. George found Mingus and Crystal found several folk albums and I found a Lounge Lizards album. Yay John Lurie! My day was going so well. Crystal received a phone call in the record store (a real closet of a place) and began to broadcast her conversation. George and I went outside.

The call was from her friend Julia, another physicist. We hopped on the metro and took it to Shady Grove, the end of the line, and she and her husband Dan (a physicist) picked us up. The score: me and four nuclear physicists. So, of course *physics* popped up and I had no clue what they were saying. We pulled into Dogfish Head brewery and sat down upstairs, where they served us good beer, pizza, fish and chips, burgers, and more beer. We talked loudly for a couple hours and I bought Megan a shirt, which I had each of them sign. Crystal started to sign M-e-g and everyone started laughing. She was only writing Megan a note, and was hurt a little, drunkenly.

Finally we came back on the last metro and when I got home Megan had commandeered all my rye whiskey. We watched a little Colbert with Steve and Mellen. We went to bed and had an awful fight which I feel awful about today. I think I’ll be drinking soon, and my physicist pals are going to phone me looking for a bar partner. I’ll agree and be tipsy all day today, too. Things are very hard right now in this house.


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